Beyond the Bedroom- The Best Sex -God's Way

To listen to this week's podcast click here: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2324960/episodes/16108167-beyond-the-bedroom-the-best-sex-god-s-way-episode-34.mp3?download=true

Alright, today we are going to cover a delicate subject that many might think is inappropriate for a Christian podcast—but I would argue it is so fundamentally crucial to the very fabric of society that every church should be preaching about it from the pulpits, and it's what God has to say about sex—about sexuality. This is precisely what the fifth (5th) session of Wil Lake's book Togetherness: Couples Living Life Better Together covers- "Sleeping Together."

There is much to say on this topic, and the author did a good job covering many of the basics. I loved that he started by highlighting that Christians should never view sex as something evil, dirty, perverted, or some duty or obligation. No, sex was designed by God. It was meant to be shared and enjoyed, and when a married couple partakes in sexual intimacies, it glorifies God. That's right; God is glorified in the act of a husband and wife sharing the joys of what He created! Sex was present right from the start. God brought Adam a beautiful woman so he wouldn't be alone but also someone to share an exclusive connection like none other. To share an extraordinary sexual experience that results not only in children but also in "oneness." Genesis 2:24-25 describes this: "That is why man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame."

A very special gift to be enjoyed. To quote Wil Lake-- "God literally mandated that married couples have sex and create children. I call it God's greatest trick. He made the baby-making process really fun, so we'd want to make them, and he made babies really cute, so we'd want to have them."

Lake, Wil. Togetherness: Couples Living Life Better Together (p. 104). WestBow Press. Kindle Edition.

Now, here's the thing- God expects that sex be shared only within the boundaries of marriage because this intimacy of "oneness" touches each part of our triune being- it impacts not only our physical body but our soul and our spirit! When we participate in sexual intimacies outside of marriage, we are operating outside of God's divine plan.

Just listen to what the Apostle Paul shares in 1 Corinthians 6:13-20:

"You say, "Food for the stomach and the stomach for food, and God will destroy them both." The body, however, is not meant for sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. 14 By his power God raised the Lord from the dead, and he will raise us also. 15 Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! 16 Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh." 17 But whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit. 18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. 19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore, honor God with your bodies."

If you are a Christ follower- then you have the Holy Spirit dwelling inside of you, and that means whatever sexual activity you are participating in, Jesus is right there with you, too! And let me tell you something- Jesus doesn't want to be in the middle of all that- not when it's outside God's divine plan.

I mean, think about it; it does make sense - we all know having sexual relations with multiple partners brings about consequences that aren't good- guilt, shame, bad reputations, disease, unwanted pregnancies, and even the creation of soul ties. For the sake of time, I'm not going to go into depth into soul ties but suffice it to say that because of the intimate spiritual nature of sexual relations, body fluids are not the only things exchanged!

I just have to say, that if the world really understood the magnitude of sexual relations, I believe many would seriously rethink some of their choices!

And we all have choices - we can do things God's way or the world's way-- the world's way says you need to get worldly experience, try things out to make sure you are compatible, or spice things up in your marriage with a little affairs, swinging, swapping, and pornography. Heck, they are now developing "new" ways of sexual relations- virtual reality- sexbots, and "hookup" social media platforms- all designed to maximize pleasure and minimize authentic intimacy. It's all counterfeit garbage. Yes, some of it might give you a fleeting moment of pleasure, but the tradeoff is a lifetime of emptiness and regrets.

In his book, The Meaning of Marriage, Timothy Keller writes- "Indeed, sex is perhaps the most powerful God-created way to help you give your entire self to another human being. Sex is God's appointed way for two people to reciprocally say to one another, "I belong completely, permanently, and exclusively to you." There is nothing more relational and meaningful then an uninhibited and free sexual relationship in marriage."

Lake, Wil. Togetherness: Couples Living Life Better Together (p. 105). WestBow Press. Kindle Edition.

In fact, the Bible itself has a whole book dedicated to sexual intimacy. Don't believe me, read it for yourself - the Song of Solomon describes all kinds of sexually fulfilling stuff between a husband and wife. From sex in the bedroom to sex outside under a tree. From standard intercourse to even oral sex. Yep, the Bible goes there!

God intended sex to reflect Him- a reflection of the Trinity- the intimacy between God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. Sexual intimacy in marriage is holy because it is a renewal and celebration of the couple's covenant to one another.

It's important to understand that sex in marriage should be about mutual submission; much like when Jesus modeled washing His disciples' feet, sexual intimacies in marriage are the mechanism whereby two separate humans share as one in mutual submission to satisfy each other's needs and desires.

With that said, the author provides some practical advice in two full chapters related to “What Wives Want” and “What Husbands Want.” I won't spoil the book for you by listing all of these goodies. Instead, I'll give you a teaser.

Guys, listen up... communication, communication, communication.  We've discussed being a good communicator in every chapter of this marriage study, and sexual relations are no different. Women want deep, meaningful conversations, and more often than not, women would like a heads up so they can have some time to freshen up and get prepared because sex isn't just physical for them but mental as well.

And ladies, flirt with your husbands. They really do want to know that you are exclusively theirs and that you desire them. This reinforces their manhood and builds their self-confidence. They would love you to be both a responder and an initiator—respond to their advances and sometimes be the initiator so they can be on the receiving end. Positive, mutually satisfying sex with your husband will enhance his love for you on an emotional level. I know sometimes it might be hard to believe but, guys aren't just sex machines!

But seriously, I've found the content in this book to be very eye-opening and the timing interesting as well. Because we recently went to a couples' date night at our church. There was dinner and dancing, and at the end, each couple was given a gift to take home and a challenge. The gift was a plastic container, and inside were some bath salts, a candle, chocolates, towels, instructions, and a script. The instructions were to be like Jesus, who modeled the beautiful picture of God's love for His bride, the church when He washed His disciples' feet. Complete with all the components, even a script for the husband to say, then the wife, and then both together focusing on professing honor, forgiveness, and service to one another. All we had to do was add water and follow the script.

At first, we were skeptical and it was a little awkward, but can I tell you it turned out so beautiful! As I washed my husband's feet, I could see King Jesus humbling himself and tenderly, lovingly washing and drying the feet of those He loved. Love surged through me in this small act of service, and I could see how physical intimacy, when done from a place of humility and gratitude, is pleasing to the Lord—an act of worship to the one who created it all.

I'm grateful for this book and my church's feet-washing gift. Both opened my eyes to understanding and experiencing God's heart for sexual intimacy.

Ladies- Whether you are married or not, I pray that you will choose to see sex through God's eyes—an exclusive intimacy meant to be beautiful and holy- a reflection of God himself. And if you are married, I encourage you to embrace the 100% rule, meaning 100% of your sexuality is reserved for your spouse alone- mind, body, emotions- all of it! That means no flirting with others, no fantasizing about others, no watching erotic movies/pornography, and no reading sensual romance novels. When you reserve 100% for your spouse, you create safe boundaries and you keep your thoughts fixed solely on your mate! You can't go wrong when you choose to do sex God's way! It really is the BEST!